Tips for Active Listening

I used to help on a telephone line, ringing people who, for one reason or another, were isolated and welcomed someone ringing regularly for a chat.  

We did not need to be anonymous and so could talk a little about home, family and interests.  This made it a more enjoyable experience for both parties.

Here are a few pointers I saw recently and thought would help someone in a similar situation:

Face to face

1   Do:

• Face person squarely
• Have open posture
• Lean towards the person
• Eye contact
• Be relaxed

2   Keep in touch with own feelings and non-verbal behaviour.

3   Be genuine, be aware of own attitudes and values and how they influence others.

4   Show the following skills:

• Non-coercive invitation to talk.
• Brief indicators that you are with them, eg nods and verbal reinforcers.
• Not too many questions
• If you do pose a question - make them open: who, what, where, why, how.

5   Reflecting

• Paraphrase
• Reflecting feelings - the speakers, not your own
• talk at the same speed
• mirror their words
• lower your voice tone in order to make a point
• Summarise

On the Telephone

Clarify the problem

• treat the caller as responsible
• be aware of limitations: time, privacy, mine.
• Be warm, genuine, non-judgemental.
• Remember confidentiality

Excessive talking:

• Assess value of the talking.
• Ask lots of direct questions.
• Cut them off if they stray from the point
• Tell them they are talking too much
• Deal with the anxiety or fear behind the 'overtalking'.

If little or no talking:

• Talk less
• Ask open-ended questions
• Talk about things of interest to them.
• Reward the things he/she says.
• Deal with his/her anxiety.
• Be comfortable with silence.
• Give person permission to withhold.

Demands:

• Give person space to vent his/her anger.
• Clarify what you will not do.
• Acknowledge their demand.
• Refer to appropriate person or group.

Non-verbal communication

• Facial expressions
• Gaze
• Gestures, bodily movements
• Body posture
• Bodily contact
• Spatial behaviour
• Physical proximity
• Clothes and appearance
• Non-verbal aspects of speech
• Eye contact
• Head movements
• Timing and synchronisation

Non-verbal:

• Communicates attitudes and emotions
• Self-preservation
• Ritual, eg greetings, separation
• Supports verbal communication

It can:

• confirm or repeat
• deny or confuse
• strengthen or emphasise
• control or regulate