9 March 2013

A few puns to cheer us up for the weekend ...

  • I changed my iPod name to Titanic, it's syncing now.

  • I tried to catch some Fog, I mist.

  • When chemists die, they barium.

  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, I can't put it down.

  • I did a theatrical performance about puns, It was a play on words.

  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

  • PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

  • Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

  • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

  • Broken pencils are pointless.

  • What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

  • All the toilets in Scotland Yard have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

  • Velcro - what a rip off!

  • Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 

  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

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