Diet Quotes

I need to go on a pre-Christmas diet.  Should have started earlier but they do say better late than never.  So looked on the 'net for inspiration and this is what I found:

1. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
2. Another good weight reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. -Robert Quillen
3. Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. -English Proverb
4. Eat to live, do not live to eat. -William Penn, 1693
5. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!
6. I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating.--Tommy John
7. I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.--Jennifer Greene Duncan
8. I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
9. I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.
10. I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days.
11. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
12. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. -Joel, 14, Advice from Kids
13. It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
14. A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
15. I have a weight problem (I can't wait to start eating!)
16. Touch your toes
    And touch your toes
    And wish you'd skipped those Oreo's.
17. I get my exercise running to the refrigerator.
18. I thought tuna was something to hold the mayonaise together.
19. Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.
20. First you consume chocolate, then chocolate consumes you.
21. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
22. Some people are afraid of heights.I'm afraid of widths.
23. You know you are dieting when postage stamps taste good.
24. 'Stressed' is 'Desserts' spelled backwards
25. Relish today. Catchup tomorrow.
26. Diet: Two people dying together.
27. Note that if you take the T away from the word diet, it spells die.
28. Food will kill me... But not if I kill it first!
29. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
30. It's not fat, it's potential muscle.
31. Eat well, exercise and die anyway.
32. If weight were money, I'd be rich. --David (User Submitted-Thank You!)
33. I'm on a the Weight Watchers diet: I watch my weight increase. --David (User Submitted-Thank You!)
34. Dieting is for those weak people who aren't strong enough to carry around all that food. --David (User Submitted-Thank You!)
35. I'm on the seafood diet. Kelp's my favorite. --David (User Submitted-Thank You!)
36. Exercise is a bad word; everytime I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate. (User Submitted-Thank You!)
37. "I was going to wake up early to go jogging, but my toes voted against me 10 to 1." --Randy Glasbergen
38. "The handle on your recliner does not qualify as an excersize machine." --Randy Glasbergen
39. "If you put a crouton on your sundae instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad." --Randy Glasbergen
40. "Potato chips aren't rubbery and blubbery like fat. They're crispy and crunchy like lettuce. That proves they're diet food!" --Randy Glasbergen
41. "My doctor told me to start my excersize program very gradually. Today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants." --Randy Glasbergen
42. "The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there!" --Randy Glasbergen
43. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we doesn't know where she is. - Ellen DeGeneris
44. The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -Jackie Gleason
45. I'm on a 30 pound diet. So far I gained 15 pounds.
46. No one ever went to the grave saying "I wish I'd eaten more rice cakes."
47. "If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"