18 June 2012

What your husband does't understand but your girlfriends do ...
... or why women sometimes buy each other flowers for no reason

  • Saying 'but you've already got a pair of black shoes' is as irrelevant as saying 'but you've already got a computer game'.
  • That when you finally give in to 'flu' the correct response is: 'poor you, is there anything I can do?'.  Not 'funnily enough, I can feel a bit of a sniffle coming on myself'.
  • The difference between a cream, ivory and off-white linen jacket.
  • That Fat Days make you miserable, while Thin Days make you feel ecstatic (or even what a Fat Day and a Thin Day actually are).
  • That having a long hot bath with lots of essential oils doesn't always mean you want to have sex afterwards.
  • Why you have to have different moisturising creams for each part of your body - and why he can't use any of them.
  • Going out shopping and coming with nothing except lifted spirits isn't a waste of time.
  • Holding contradictory ideas is a sign of intelligence, not stupidity.
  • The indescribably cold rush of fear at finding a lump in your breast - even though it's almost certainly benign.
  • That sharing embarrassing anecdotes about your marital life isn't undermining him, it's bonding.
  • That sometimes a good cry is enjoyable.
  • That having a smear test is NOT the same as having your blood pressure taken.
  • That all conversations about new cars can be over in two minutes.
  • That going to a camp site isn't what you call a holiday.
  • Why chatting on the phone for hours is healthy communication.
  • You can still be fond of an ex-boyfriend, but he can't be of an ex-girlfriend.
  • Ordering just a salad - as it is with no dressing - isn't ruining anyone else's night out.
  • That not all sexy actors are 'probably gay' and even if they are, you still fancy them.
  • How to load a dishwasher with a complete dinner party's worth of crockery.
  • A spider is never to small to be scary.
  • That cellulite can made you cry.
  • That if you have children, you have several social diaries running in your head at all times (when he can't even manage one).
  • That telling jokes isn't how women make each other laugh.
  • That you would rather go without much food for a week than move up a dress size.
  • That 'yes' and 'no' are not satisfactory answers to a question - and 'fine' is not a satisfactory answer to 'how do I look?'.
  • That buying birthday and Christmas presents for his family is an annoying chore, not a 'chance to go shopping'.
  • What pelvic floor exercises are.
  • That you can take pleasure in criticising other girlfriends behind their backs without liking them any less.
  • That if he gets turned on by you wearing stilettos to parties, he should also arrange for a door-to-door taxi to transport you there and back.
  • That a whole evening spent moaning about him with girlfriends can cheer you up.
  • What going through the menopause feels like.
  • That saying: 'nothing's wrong', means exactly the opposite.
  • Why we eat chocolate whenever we feel fat.

No comments:

Post a Comment