26 January 2015

While we can still tell these jokes ....

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit, with his wife.
'You come to the front door of the apartments.  I'm in apartment 301.  There's a big panel at the front door.  With your elbow, push the button 301.  I will buzz you in.  Come inside and the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow puish 3rd floor.  When you get out, I'm on the left.  With your elbow hit my door bell.  OK?'
'Grandma that sounds easy, but why am I hitting these these buttons with my elbow?'
'What ... You're coming empty handed?'

Wife Italian Grandfather

An old Italian may in Brooklyn is dying.
He calls his grandson to his bedside, 'Guide, I wan' you lissina me.  I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ... 38 revolver to you will always remember me.'
'But grandpa, I really don't like guns... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?'
'You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.'
'Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda your wife inna bed with another man.  Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to your watch and say, 'Time's up!'?'

Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the casino. 
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet £10,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said,'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelloed 'Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, 'Yes! Yes! I won, I won!'
She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.  The dealers started at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asked 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

The MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb ... but all men ... are men!

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