31 July 2013

I'm gradually sorting out 'stuff' - why is it that I end up with so many torn-out magazine articles, notes in note-books?  

Recently I found this:

Here are some practical ideas for coping in difficult situations:
  • State your choice
  • Learn to say 'no', practice - no excuse needed
  • Make your feelings known
  • Don't over-react to criticism - agree
  • Don't take criticism personally
  • Don't be afraid of failure
  • Write a list of realistic goals
  • OK to say if you don't understand
  • Don't be responsible for others problems
  • No need for approval

How to boost your confidence

  • Give yourself regular treats
  • Reward achievement and trying hard
  • Don't punish yourself for mistakes
  • List of positive affirmations
  • Make sure a part of each day is given over for your own needs.
  • Evaluate each small step you take
  • Ban self-flagellation such as 'what an idiot'
  • No 'If onlys'
  • No crystal ball gazing  - 'she won't talk to me'.
  • No apologising for yourself  - 'I know it's sill of me'
  • No negative labels - 'I'm a shy person'.
  • Share positive information, generate enthusiasm/share feelings
  • Disclosing good news to friends
  • Get people to tell you if your talk is negative

A January 1st New Year's Resolutions check-list

  • List your 10 most important personal values and judge your behaviour by them (loyalty, bubbliness, honesty, tact etc)
  • List the six most important strengths in your current life
  • What is hindering you?  List your main weaknesses as they are warning signals
  • Ask a friend what she thinks are your main strengths

We all know we need to do these, but we need to remember to actually do them?  It's important, for instance to regularly see the dentist, not just wait until ranging toothache strikes.  So regularly it's important to make sure that we check that we're doing these:
  • Eat food which is nutritious
  • Get adequate exercise
  • Plenty of sleep and rest
  • Remember medical check ups
  • Alcohol/cigarettes - review regularly
Physical health and mental Health are both important and we ignore this at our peril.  We all know we should eat properly, give up smoking, lose weight, get enough sleep and so on to help our physical health, but do we also remember to look after our minds? Here are a few ideas to keep the mind active:

  • Read
  • Crosswords and other puzzles
  • Creative, artistic
  • word/daydreaming

Ease/release tension
stress management

And we also need to feel secure, it's one of the basic human needs, after food and shelter.  We know we need a secure home, but how about other areas of our lives, such as financial protection and planning, and also do we know how to defend ourself if attacked?

As well as MOTing our car we need to MOT outselves

appearance - own style
experiment with clothes/makeup/hair
note clothes you admire
ask for feedback
re-evaluate wardrobe
get up earlier, pay extra attention to appearance

Eye contact but don't stare
voice, lower tone
look relaxed
practice smile

time management
distinction between work and relaxation
to to list
say 'no!'
talking time, announce at beginning of meeting/telephone call

contingency plans
prepare what to say in advance if a difficult encounter
rehearse meetings speeches, replies to criticism

Practice making small changes to habits
When make a mistake, note lesson learned
challenging sport or activity
be decisive

Check rights before asking
be direct
calm and polite
empathy statements
persistent - rep0eat request
offer a compromise

make more compliments
specific compliments
receive compliments gracefully, smile

practice small talk
keep informed about issues
keep away from gossip, no put downs
avoid personal questions

Be super aware of own feelings
take responsiblity for feelings - 'I'm frustrated' , not 'you make me frustrated'.
Give physical expression to emotions
Outlet for feelings later on

Release angry feelings before confrontation
acknowledge the poositive first
be specific with a complaint
keep to the point - no waffle, no last year's complaints

focus on behaviour, not the person
no stereotyping - men are all ...'
be realistic, no instant change

regularly appraise yourself, accept mistakes
listen carefully to criticism
ask for time' I'd like to consider this more'.
Ask calmly for clarification - 'You may be right, perhaps I do/
ask for constructive feedback

ap-praise relationships - good/bad points
regular discussions
balance of power
unwritten rule, not vague assumptions
ask for emotional support
don't wait for a crisis to find out who your friends are
don't excuse put downs from friends
Get out of relationships with people who bore you or irritate you
look out for new friends

Tell others you understand being nervous
give others practical help
remind others how mucyh you love/admire them
forgive others - not 'you're stupid'

Diary of progress
self-help groups
yearly targets

Less TV, go the concert, theatre

Scott Walker
Denise La Salle
The Velvet Underground
Sly & The Family Stone
Tim Buckley
John Lee Hooker
The Grateful Dead
Van Morrison

David Copperfield
Pride & Prejudice
Rivals (Jilly Cooper)
A Suitable Boy
Birdsong (Faulks)
Vanity Fair

If (Kipling)
On his Blindness - They also Serve (John Milton)?
Do not go gentle into that good night (Dylan Thomas)
frost at Midnight (Samuel Taylor Coleridge)
Musee des Beaux Arts (WH Auden)
To a field mouse (R Burns)
The Voice (Thomas Hardy)
Sonnet 18 (William Shakespeare) Shall I Compare Thee


  1. Buy what you need
  2. Work out what you have and what you are
  3. Pension
  4. Invest
  5. Investment Club
  6. Rent out a room
  7. Holiday fund
Learn a language
surf the net
learn to cook
learn new age healing
write a novel
conservation skills
learn to paint
go rollerblading

garden - mend fences, plant climbers, fill tubs, borders

marinating fungi
Christmas pudding
have some fish and chips

destress mind and body
skin care
safe tan
highlight hair

cleanser cetaphil
samuel par (space, NK)
aromatherapy correcting mousse
elderberry - me
tumeric - eyesight, rheumatism, arthritis, liver problems
tea tree - antiseptic
lemon balm - encourages pollination, tension, headaches, toothache, skin conditions, depression, anti-vital
lapacho - immune system, asthma, bronchitis, infections, me
echinacea - cuts, burns, infections, prot against bad bacteria
cranberry -bladder kidneys
cats claw - rheumatism, ulcers, cysentry, boosts immunity
liver - beetroot, asparagus, artichokes
skin - avocado, oily fish, carrots, spinach, broccoli, pumpki, apricots, apples, fige, linseeds, walnuts, sesame, sunflower seeds, NOT sugar.

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