I'm gradually sorting out 'stuff' - why is it that I end up with so many torn-out magazine articles, notes in note-books?  

Recently I found this:

Here are some practical ideas for coping in difficult situations:

• State your choice
• Learn to say 'no', practice - no excuse needed
• Make your feelings known
• Don't over-react to criticism - agree
• Don't take criticism personally
• Don't be afraid of failure
• Write a list of realistic goals
• OK to say if you don't understand
• Don't be responsible for others problems
• No need for approval

How to boost your confidence

• Give yourself regular treats
• Reward achievement and trying hard
• Don't punish yourself for mistakes
• List of positive affirmations
• Make sure a part of each day is given over for your own needs.
• Evaluate each small step you take
• Ban self-flagellation such as 'what an idiot'
• No 'If onlys'
• No crystal ball gazing  - 'she won't talk to me'.
• No apologising for yourself  - 'I know it's sill of me'
• No negative labels - 'I'm a shy person'.
• Share positive information, generate enthusiasm/share feelings
• Disclosing good news to friends
• Get people to tell you if your talk is negative

A January 1st New Year's Resolutions check-list

• List your 10 most important personal values and judge your behaviour by them (loyalty, bubbliness, honesty, tact etc)
• List the six most important strengths in your current life
• What is hindering you?  List your main weaknesses as they are warning signals
• Ask a friend what she thinks are your main strengths

We all know we need to do these, but we need to remember to actually do them?  It's important, for instance to regularly see the dentist, not just wait until ranging toothache strikes.  So regularly it's important to make sure that we check that we're doing these:

• Eat food which is nutritious
• Get adequate exercise
• Plenty of sleep and rest
• Remember medical check ups
• Alcohol/cigarettes - review regularly

Physical health and mental Health are both important and we ignore this at our peril.  We all know we should eat properly, give up smoking, lose weight, get enough sleep and so on to help our physical health, but do we also remember to look after our minds? Here are a few ideas to keep the mind active:

• Read
• Crosswords and other puzzles
• Creative, artistic
• word/daydreaming

Ease/release tension
meditation
stress management

And we also need to feel secure, it's one of the basic human needs, after food and shelter.  We know we need a secure home, but how about other areas of our lives, such as financial protection and planning, and also do we know how to defend ourself if attacked?


As well as MOTing our car we need to MOT outselves

appearance - own style
experiment with clothes/makeup/hair
note clothes you admire
ask for feedback
re-evaluate wardrobe
get up earlier, pay extra attention to appearance

Eye contact but don't stare
voice, lower tone
look relaxed
practice smile

time management
distinction between work and relaxation
delegate
to to list
say 'no!'
talking time, announce at beginning of meeting/telephone call

contingency plans
prepare what to say in advance if a difficult encounter
rehearse meetings speeches, replies to criticism

Practice making small changes to habits
When make a mistake, note lesson learned
challenging sport or activity
be decisive

Check rights before asking
be direct
calm and polite
empathy statements
persistent - rep0eat request
offer a compromise

make more compliments
specific compliments
receive compliments gracefully, smile

practice small talk
keep informed about issues
keep away from gossip, no put downs
avoid personal questions

Be super aware of own feelings
take responsiblity for feelings - 'I'm frustrated' , not 'you make me frustrated'.
Give physical expression to emotions
Outlet for feelings later on

Release angry feelings before confrontation
acknowledge the poositive first
be specific with a complaint
empathise
keep to the point - no waffle, no last year's complaints

focus on behaviour, not the person
no stereotyping - men are all ...'
be realistic, no instant change

regularly appraise yourself, accept mistakes
listen carefully to criticism
ask for time' I'd like to consider this more'.
Ask calmly for clarification - 'You may be right, perhaps I do/
ask for constructive feedback

ap-praise relationships - good/bad points
regular discussions
balance of power
unwritten rule, not vague assumptions
ask for emotional support
don't wait for a crisis to find out who your friends are
don't excuse put downs from friends
Get out of relationships with people who bore you or irritate you
look out for new friends

Tell others you understand being nervous
give others practical help
remind others how mucyh you love/admire them
forgive others - not 'you're stupid'

Diary of progress
self-help groups
yearly targets


Less TV, go the concert, theatre

Scott Walker
Denise La Salle
The Velvet Underground
Sly & The Family Stone
Tim Buckley
John Lee Hooker
The Grateful Dead
Van Morrison

David Copperfield
Pride & Prejudice
Possession
Rembrance
Rivals (Jilly Cooper)
A Suitable Boy
Birdsong (Faulks)
Vanity Fair

Poem:
If (Kipling)
On his Blindness - They also Serve (John Milton)?
Do not go gentle into that good night (Dylan Thomas)
frost at Midnight (Samuel Taylor Coleridge)
Musee des Beaux Arts (WH Auden)
To a field mouse (R Burns)
The Voice (Thomas Hardy)
Sonnet 18 (William Shakespeare) Shall I Compare Thee

Week

1. Buy what you need
2. Work out what you have and what you are
3. Pension
4. Invest
5. Investment Club
6. Rent out a room
7. Holiday fund

Learn a language

surf the net

learn to cook

learn new age healing

write a novel

conservation skills

learn to paint

go rollerblading

garden - mend fences, plant climbers, fill tubs, borders

Try

Cassoulet

sauerkraut

marinating fungi

Christmas pudding

have some fish and chips

destress mind and body

skin care

safe tan

highlight hair

aromatherapy

yoga

facial

flotation

cleanser cetaphil
samuel par (space, NK)
aromatherapy correcting mousse
elderberry - me
tumeric - eyesight, rheumatism, arthritis, liver problems
tea tree - antiseptic
lemon balm - encourages pollination, tension, headaches, toothache, skin conditions, depression, anti-vital
lapacho - immune system, asthma, bronchitis, infections, me
echinacea - cuts, burns, infections, prot against bad bacteria
cranberry -bladder kidneys
cats claw - rheumatism, ulcers, cysentry, boosts immunity
liver - beetroot, asparagus, artichokes
skin - avocado, oily fish, carrots, spinach, broccoli, pumpki, apricots, apples, fige, linseeds, walnuts, sesame, sunflower seeds, NOT sugar.

Hungover (from QI)

Why?
Alcohol stops the body making vasopressin, a hormone that allows the body to absorb water.  So when you drink, it all goes to the bladder, leading to lots of urination and then dehydration.  You're literally emptying yourself of water and the vitamins and minerals it carries around your body.  This includes most of your glycogen, the compound that stores your body's energy.


When?
'Handover' only got its modern, alcohol-related meaning in 1904.  It originally meant 'unfinished business'.  Before, if you were sick from too much drinking you were 'crapulous'.  The medical term of a hangover is veisalgia, from the Greek algia, meaning pain, and the Norse word kveis, meaning 'uneasiness after debauchery'.

How does it feel?
In German, to have a hangover is einen kater haben, 'to have a tom-cat' or katzenjammer, meaning 'the wailing of cats'.  To Norwegians, it's jeg har tommermen, 'I have carpenters' (in my head, presumably) and for the French it's avoir la gueule de bois, 'to have a wooden throat'.
The Italians, who don't like getting drunk, opt for the bland postumi di shornia, 'the effects after drinking'.

What can you do?
According to the Student British Medical Journal you can partially avoid getting a hangover by drinking lots of water during the evening or not drinking on an empty stomach.  However, once you have one, there is very little you can do to make it go away.  The only certain way to avoid a hangover is to avoid drinking.  That hasn't stopped people trying.

Traditional cures?
Many countries offer their own variation on tripe soup, with Mexico's fiery hot pancita and Korea's haejangguk or 'soup for the stomach' containing cow bones and blood.  Sicilians have touted dried bull's penis, while tea brewed with rabbit droppings was supposedly a favourite of American cowboys.
The Roman statesman Cato recommended raw cabbage in vinegar.  Pliny the Elder suggested raw owl's eggs or fried canary.  European doctors in the Middle Ages thought raw eel and bitter almonds might work.  To cure hangovers, Mongolians supposedly used to eat pickled sheep's eyes.  Germans still like to eat katerfruhstuck ('tom-cat-breakfast'), a meal that often involves herring, pickles and goulash.

Hair of the dog?
The idea of drinking again the next morning called in full 'the hair of the dog that bit you' (a reference to a supposed remedy for rapid dog bite), really just postpones the hangover.  Caffeine may perk you up, but it's adiuretic and can further upset a delicate stomach.

Prairie oyster?
The prarie oyster involves a raw  egg with Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, and perhaps some alcohol, to be consumed in one swallow (Jeeves made them for Wooster: 'Gentlemen have told me they have found it extremely invigorating after a later evening').  In Thunderball, James Bond says: 'There wasn't a week went by but that on at least one day I couldn't eat anything for breakfast but a couple of aspirins and a prairie oyster.'

Unnamed dread
Kingsley Amis, the hard-drinking writer, believed in the 'metaphysical hangover', that empty feeling of sorrow and self-loathing.  One theory is that this is due to alcohol reducing the level of neurotransmitters called gamma-Aminobutyric acid (or GABA) in our brain.  The right GABA level is linked to relaxation and feeling happy.  Too little GABA makes us anxious, depressed and unable to sleep.

Does it matter?
According to William of Malmesbury, the Battle of Hastings was lost because the Saxon army had hangovers: 'The English passed the night drinking and singing, the Normans passed the whole night in confessing their sins, and received communion in the morning.'

Complied by Molly Oldfield and John Mitchinson

Trips Abroad ...

Those planning trips abroad are reminded to check their documentation carefully before they travel, particularly in the case of those requiring an ESTA (Electronic System for Travel Authorisation - required when travelling to the US under the Visa Waiver Programme) or an EHIC (European Health Insurance Card (required when travelling to another country in Europe).  

The ESTA can be sourced from the genuine webwsite: https://esta.cbp.dhs.gov/esta/ and costs £9 ($14).

The EHIC is free: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/Healthcareabroad/EHIC/Pages/about-the-ehic.aspx, or call 0300 330 1350.


Here are some travel tips from Martin Lewis, broadcaster and founder of MoneySavingExpert.com.

Items to put in your 'overseas wallet' - what it's essential to take abroad:

Firstly, a valid, free, EHIC card (see other article, above).  This card entitles you to treatment by state hospitals and GPs in the EU and Switzerland. Many wrongly assume this means free treatment.  In fact it means you pay what the natives pay.  So if it's free for them, it's free for you; if they pay, you pay. And it's not just useful for serious problem.

There are a few things to watch for though.  

• Millions of these cards are invalid as they're out of date.  Check the expiry date at the bottom right of your card now.  Many people are travelling with worthless old cards (3.5 million will expire this year alone), and these need to be renewed.
• Carry it with you.  For it to be valid, you need to present the card.  Don't leave it in the hotel, keep it in your overseas purse or wallet.
• Children need their own card.  Don't asume your child is covered on yours.
• The card is always free; never pay.  Never use Google to get or renew a card.  You may end up on a shyster site trying to look official.  These act as agents, pretending they can fast-track, charging £20 to do so, but it's all nonsense.
• Some Spanish hospitals are not playing ball.  The EU is investigating reports of some unfair rejections of cards.

While EHICs are useful, they're not a substitute for travel insurance, as you may still need to pay for treatment, or to use a private hospital.  Plus it doesn't cover cancellation, repatriation to the UK, baggage or property issues.

Secondly, your driving licence and international permit.  This is used for getting a hire car and is also useful as an ID, which if often demanded when paying by card.  By the way, do check the following (£1,000 fine for non-compliance!):

David Beckham's driving licence!

• that your licence is not out of date, photo licences are only valid for ten years (£20 to renew at gov.uk).  If you have an old paper licence this is not an issue, although these are not always accepted outside the UK.
• that it has your correct address, it's free to change.
• that it has your correct name, again it's free to change.

For driving outside the EU it's either recommended or compulsory in 140 countries to have an International Driving Permit, as well as your UK licence.  This link (http://www.theaa.com/motoring_advice/overseas/idp-requirements-by-country.html) shows the AA's country-by-country guide to what's needed.  The cheapest way to get one is at the Post Office, for £5.50.

Again, beware Google.  Shyster sites will charge you unnecessary extra fees for renewing driving licences.  Plus, ignore 'International Driving Licence' adverts, as these aren't official.  You need your UK licence plus an 'International Driving Permit'.

Thirdly, a few euros and dollars:  When you return from a holiday there's not much point in changing back a small amount of currency. Better to leave it sitting in your overseas wallet until next time.  If you do feel the need to have some cash with you, the worst sin is to leave it until the airport.  Bureaux there know you're a captive customer and give hideous rates.  If you've already left it too late, you'll get far better value if you at least pre-order online or by phone, then pick up your cash at the airport.

Better still, if you've a few days before you go, try travelmoneymax.com.  It compares the best rates from many online bureaux for collection and delivery.  NB The very best rate available at the airport is currently 575 euros.

The fourth important item is plastic that gives unbeatable exchange rates everywhere: a specialist overseas credit card.  It's not to do with borrowing, it's simply an easy vehicle to get the best exchange rates in every country.

Spending abroad on most plastic cards should be avoided.  Whilst banks and building societies themselves get the nigh-on perfect Visa/Mastercard wholesale rate, they then add a 3% load to what they charge us.  Worse still, all your statement shows is the exchange rate incorporating the load - thus hiding their stealth charge. 

Yet there's a number of specialist load-free credit cards, where you get these bureau-beating rates in every country.  As they're credit cards, do ensure you repay in full every month, to avoid being charged high interest rates, otherwise you negate the gain of cheap spending abroad.

Top card just for using abroad is the halifax.co.uk Clarity card, as it doesn't have an ATM fee for withdrawing cash.  It's not so good for UK use.

Top for UK and abroad capitalone.co.uk Aspire World card, it has a £3 ATM cash withdrawl charge. Yet its real boon is as a dual-use overseas/home card, it pays UK cashback of up to 1.25% on spending.

Other load-free cards, the big ones are Saga, the Post Office, Nationwide, Selection (only for existing customers) and Santander Zero (no longer available to new customers).  If you're got one of these, then although ATM fees are a bit higher than Clarity, it's not worth switching.

Two bank accounts offer load-free debit cards too - Metro and Norwich and Peterborough.  Yet to change your entire bank purely for this function, when you can just stick a credit card in your overseas wallet, seems like too much.

Of course, in order to get a credit card, you need to pass the credit score, and making an application to find out leaves a mark on your credit file, whether you're accepted or not.  Help is at hand , though, in the shape of the Eligibility Checker, which shows your odds of acceptance for each card, using 'soft searches' that don't mark your file: moneysavingexpert.com/TravelCardEligibility.

Finally, where possible, if you've a choice, spend on these specialist cards, rather than withdraw cash, not just to avoid ATM fees, but because you usually pay interest on cash withdrawals even if you clear the card in full.  However, if you do that, the charge is still relatively trivial, at £1 per £100, and this still beats most bureaux de change.

Alternative weapon: the top prepay card overseas.  If you can't get the top credit card, or don't trust yourself with one, prepay cards are effectively an electronic travellers' cheque.  Load them up with cash in advance and use them while you're away.  If you lose it, no problem; pay a replacement fee and the cash is re-credited.

While some offer rates almost as good as the best credit card, what counts is the rate on the day you load the cash up, rather than the day you spend.  Hold the card a long time, then, and if the exchange rate moves against, you, you lost out (although of course you could gain if it goes the other way).

FairFX euro and collar cards offer the top rates, but there's a £10 set-up fee unless you apply via moneysavingsupermarket.com comparison site, where it's wiped if you load at least 60 Euros or £75.  Full alternatives at moneysavingexpert.com/prepaidcards.

And finally: A photocopy of my passport: in case my passport goes missing - the key details can be very useful.


And the one thing you won't find in my wallet ...

There's a hidden danger lurking in purses and wallets.  If you carry a debit card from Halifax, Intelligent Finance, Lloyds TSB, NatWest or RBS, beware - these are the overseas debit cards from hell.

Like most plastic they add a load, and like most debit and credit cards they charge an ATM fee. However, these cards also add up to £1.50 on top of that each time you spend (NatWest/RBS have lowered this charge for larger amounts, but it's still purgatory).
In other words, buy something in a shop of £5.00 worth of euros, and with the load and this spending find, it can cost you £6.65. 

Carry on like that and it soon adds up to a horrific sum!