Designing your death dossier (sounds gruesome but it is Halloween!)

Here is an aide memoire of what we need to sort in good time to help our executors and descendents.

Birth Certificate
Marriage Certificate
Divorce papers

Personal and family medical history
Power of Attorney
Authorisation to release health-care information
Living Will - Do Not Resuscitate note

Housing and land deeds
Proof of any loans/debts
Vehicle titles
Stock certificates, savings bonds, bank accounts
Tax returns

Life insurance policies
Pension details
List of safe-deposit boxes

Will 
Letter of instruction
List of relevant passwords
Names and addresses of relevant professions, such as solicitor, doctor 
Names and addresses of friends and others to inform

And, most importantly, a note of where all the above are stored

Many years ago, when I first met my now husband, in the course of conversation I said that I'd been a 'good enough' mother to my children.  
'That's not very good', he responded.    
Aah, 'but it's good enough', I replied.

Perhaps that's exactly what we should aspire to, not what society leads us to expect of ourselves.

Blog The Daily Beast says:
... rather than leaping with glee at the liberation that has befallen women since the 1960s, we are laboring instead under a double whammy of impossible expectations—the old-fashioned ones (to be good mothers and wives, impeccable housekeepers and blushing brides) and those wrought more recently (to be athletic, strong, sexually versatile, and wholly independent). The result? We have become a generation desperate to be perfect wives, mothers, and professionals—Tiger Moms who prepare organic quinoa each evening after waltzing home from the IPO in our Manolo Blahnik heels. 

Even worse, we somehow believe that we need to do all of this at once, and without any help. Almost by definition, a woman cannot work a 60-hour-per-week job and be the same kind of parent she would have been without the 60-hour-per-week job. No man can do this; no human can do this. Yet women are repeatedly berating themselves for failing at this kind of balancing act, and (quietly, invidiously) berating others when something inevitably slips. 

Think of the schadenfreude that erupts every time a high-profile woman hits a bump in either her career or her family life. Poor Condoleezza Rice, left without a boyfriend. Sloppy Hillary, whose hair is wrong again. Bad Marissa Mayer, who dared to announce her pregnancy the same week she was named CEO of Yahoo. She could not pull it off (snicker, snicker). She paid for her success. She Could. Not. Do. It. All. ...

And there's more on this at: http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/09/23/why-women-should-stop-trying-to-be-perfect.html

Another interesting site is: http://www.alreadypretty.com/2010/08/repost-reality-check.html.

And here's an angle from Time Magazine (http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1733856,00.html): 
... Five years ago, Dr. Alice Domar, a successful psychologist in Boston, had what she describes as an "ah-ha experience." A new patient, whom she refers to as "Kim," came in for an evaluation. Kim seemed to have everything — a happy marriage, four well-adjusted kids, a well-to-do lifestyle, good health and a trim figure. Admits Domar, "As she was telling me her story, I was listening to her thinking, what the hell is she doing seeing me?" It turns out that Kim was distressed by the messiness in her house. She told Domar, "Every time I open a drawer or closet and see the clutter, I feel like a miserable failure."

For Domar, that was a wake-up call about perfectionism. "Women are unhappy because, even if 11 out of 12 things are going well, they zero in on the one that isn't, and they get miserable about it." Now, bestselling author Domar (Self-Nurture), drawing on 20 years of clinical experience, has written Be Happy Without Being Perfect (Crown) to help readers cope with their own unrealistic needs to be perfect. TIME reporter Andrea Sachs spoke with Domar:

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1733856,00.html#ixzz2AtVnx49l

And even the down-to-earth Daily Mail (don't always believe what they say, you'd be amazed what they said about people doing my job!) has something pertinent to say on the matter: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2170661/Is-trying-PERFECT-ruining-life-Dream-spotless-home-career-high-voltage-love-life-flawless-body-New-research-shows-s-fatal-mistake-.html

It's too easy to get stuck in a rut and carry on doing the same old things year after year. But breaking with routine can be a powerful motivator, so why not start by ringing the changes and injecting more energy into what you do and think.

Start off the plan by examining your diet.  When did you last change your menues for example?  Chances are you can't remember.  Well now is the time for a rethink.
The same goes for your exercise routine, the supplements you take and the direction in which your life is heading.  
Just a few small changes can make  you feel a whole lot better in so many ways, so get going now on this new plan ...

Rethink your diet:  Make this the time you change your daily diet.

• Start by swapping white bread, pasta and rice for wholegrain alternatives.  These will supply you with a constant flow of slow-release carbohydrates, which will help to keep your energy levels on an even keel.
• Make sure your diet contains a rainbow of different coloured fruit and vegetables to ensure you get all the vitamins and minerals needed to keep your immune system fighting fit.  Ring the changes in the fruit and vegetable department too.  
• As the weather gets colder, try to resist the temptation to pile up your plate with comfort foods.  There are plenty of foods that are light but comforting, which won't pile on the pounds.  For breakfast, for instance, have porridge topped with apples and pears which have a low glycaemic index value so, in common with wholegrain foods, they provide slow-release energy to help stabilise your blood sugar levels throughout the day and keep appetite in check.
• For a healthy lunchtime option, plump for a warming mulligatawny, a hearty Italian bean or thai tom uym soup.  Experts point to French studies that have linked regular consumption of soup with a healthy weight and a vitamin-rich diet.  
• Warming stews are another healthy option - just make sure you bulk them out with plenty of different vegetables and be aware of portion size.
• Finally, don't forget to drink plenty of fluids every day.  People often mistake thirst for hunger, so if you start to feel gnawing pangs, try having a glass of water instead of eating.  It could do the trick and save you a few unnecessary calories at the same time!

Reassess your supplements:  However hard we try, some of us still find it difficult to get all the vitamins and minerals needed for maximum health from our diet.  If you think yours could be deficient in any areas, why not add some supplements to make up for any shortfall?

• If you're lacking in energy, there are plenty of herbs that can help, such as ginseng, which also helps to lower blood pressure and reduce cholesterol levels.
• Also take care of your liver as if it's in good shape the whole body - head included - will feel better.  Dandelion and milk thistle are effective liver tonics.
• A strong immune system is the bedrock of good health, especially at the colder times of the year when colds and bugs are rife.  Top immune boosters include echinacea and bee propolis.

Revisit your fitness goals:  Are you achieving your fitness goals and, if not, is there anything you could do to help you reach them?  If you haven't got a fitness plan, now is the time to create one.  Think about how you would lke to look and feel by the spring, then put some energy into achieving your visiton.  It can help to write down your goals and to record what you do every day. That way you can see at a glance if you're skipping any part of your plqanned routine.  Remember, honesty is vital if you are intent on attaining those goals.

to be finished ...

Catches that lurk in your cover

Insurance policies often contain conditions that can mean a rejected claim if you don't comply to the letter.  Here are ten common policy pitfalls with car, house and holiday insurance to be avoided:

Just buying an insurance policy doesn't mean you are certain to get a payout if something goes awry, as many people find to their cost each year.  Here is how to avoid the common pitfalls when it comes to insurance claims.

Non-disclosure of convictions or claims: Remember that speeding fine and three points your picked up three years ago? It may be a distant memory, and one you're not too fond of, but you must tell your insurer about any convictions you have incurred over the past five years, including the type of offence, the amount of the fine, the number of points you were given and the length of any ban.

Failing to declare car modifications: Drivers who don't inform their insurere of any modifications that have been made to a vehicle can invalidate a policy, a mistake motorists cannot afford to make.
Filtting alloy wheels or rear spoilers is considered a 'modification' by insurers and, if they are not declared when applying for cover, a claim can be rejected.  Adding these alterations can increase car insurance premiums because they make it more of a theft target or enhance the performance of your car.
It's important to remember that some modifications are illegal, which can also affect the validity of your policy. An example of this is that the law requires that the windows on the vehicle allow at least 75% of light through the front windscreen and 70% of light through the front side windows.

Get your mileage right: What lengths would you go to for a lower premium? If you drive 20,000 miles a year but you tell your insurer that you drive 10,000, don't be surprised if your claim is thrown out.
Most insurers realise that people may drive a bit further than they think when they take out a policy and will usually allow for that, but an excessive underestimate won't be appreciated.

Handing out or hiding keys: Apparently 80% of us have given keys to our home to friends, family, cleaners and tradesmen.  What's more, many home owners hide their house keys outside in plant pots, under a rock or a mat, or in the shed or porch. Yet few of us realise that this could invalidate our home insurance policy, should our home subsequently be burgled.


Declaring incorrect door locks: When applying for home insurance cover, you must state whether the locks in your home are British 'safety standard', a five-lever mortise lock confiorming to BS3621, or a cylinder-rim deadlock.
Not surprisingly - especially since a householder would often need to take the lock out of the door to find out - this question is often answered inforrectly.  If  you make a mistake when identifying your locks and it is subsequently found that the lock does not match that described on your policy, your insurer may be inclined to reduce or refuse a payout.


When guests make a claim invalid: If you throw a party and a guest causes damage to your home or belongings, you may not be covered.  Likewise, if you have a lodger or your partner moves in with you but you haven't delcared this to your insurer, you may find that your claim is rejected, should you need to make one.  So it's crucial that you let your insurer know if the number of people resident in your property changes.



Disposing of damaged goods: If you are the victim of flooding and your furniture and carpets are water-damaged, your instinct will be to toss away any soggy items when you have the first chance.  However, in your attempts to return your home to normal, you may be reducing your claim for damages.
To make a claim you will need to provide evidence of the damage to a loss assessor from your insurer and people who throw out the items in quesiton before the inspection may face challenges.  Only throw out damaged goods if it is frozen food that has thawed out in a freezer.  But in this case it is crucial at least to take photographs to record the damage.

Failure to notify the police: If you're the victim of theft, you must repor the incident to the police within 24 hours.  Insurers need a crime number as part of the claim process.  Failure to obtain a number will cast doubt on whether a theft has genuinely taken place and potentially cuase a claim to be rejected.  Insurers would question why a theft that should be reported to the police hasn't been, even if there's little chance of the items being recovered.

Drinking when on holiday: Your travel insurance policy could be invalidated if you suffer an accident after drinking alcohol when on holiday, even if you're not drunk, then make a claim for any medical bills.
The maximum you can drink and be safe in the knowledge that your claim will not be turned down is under the UK legal driving limit - 80mg of alcohol in 100ml of blood will not be covered, regardless of which country you are in.  
There is no specific limit but, if alcohol is a significant factor in a claim, then that is careless.  Teetotalness is not expected but what is reasonable in one situation might be unreasonable in other one.

Not checking in for a flight: Many holidaymakers who find themselves unable to go on holiday for reasons beyond their control, such as severe weather or their hotel going bust, assume thaty they need not check in for the flight they are not able to take.
Most policies make checking in a requirement for claims under the 'travel delay' section.  This is because insurers need to be able to see that the customer arrived in time to dcatch the flight and that any delay was the fault of the airline, not the customer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I would imagine that, inadvertently, we must all be guilty of at least one of these - but will double-check these in future ...

Do you prefer the Church - or the Pub?  Not sure, then read this ...

The vagabond - by William Blake (of Jerusalem fame)


Dear mother, dear mother, the Church is cold;
But the Alehouse is healthy, and pleasant, and warm.
Besides, I can tell where I am used well;
Such usage in heaven will never do well.

But, if at the Church they would give us some ale,
And a pleasant fire our souls to regale,
We’d sing and we’d pray all the livelong day,
Nor ever once wish from the Church to stray.

Then the Parson might preach, and drink, and sing,
And we’d be as happy as birds in the spring;
And modest Dame Lurch, who is always at church,
Would not have bandy children, nor fasting, nor birch.

And God, like a father, rejoicing to see
His children as pleasant and happy as He,
Would have no more quarrel with the Devil or the barrel,
But kiss him, and give him both drink and apparel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Vagabond

Or see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2r9AFQpJXXM&feature=related or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMt0lwYAH-I&feature=player_embedded for two very different but both heart-warming versions of this poem.

Yesterday we had a lovely walk around Occombe Farm, seeing some vegetable growing, also pigs and chickens, wandered through woods and fields, followed by a lovely fresh lunch in their cafe (http://www.occombe.org.uk/mainintro.cfm?id=335), which overlooks beautiful Devon farming countryside.

Torbay Coast and Countryside Trust is is a local, independent charity dedicated to looking after some of Torbay's most important wildlife and heritage sites. Their aims are to protect land, conserve nature and strengthen the bonds between the people and the natural world of Torbay. 

They manage 1750 acres of country parks, nature reserves, woodland, farmland and coastline in Torbay, including Berry Head National Nature Reserve, Cockington Country Park, Occombe Farm and the Seashore Centre as well as much of the English Riviera Geopark.

Maidencombe Beach

Browse though their website ((http://www.countryside-trust.org.uk/)to have a look at our current projects, get involved with their events, volunteer, or join as a member...


New Trust Membership (£25 adult, £7.50 child) includes:

Cockington

* FREE Parking at Trust sites: Cockington, Maidencombe and Berry Head
* FREE entry to local National Trust properties: Greenway (http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/greenway/) and Coleton Fishacre (http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/coleton-fishacre/)
* FREE entry to Kents Cavern (http://www.kents-cavern.co.uk/)
* 10% off at Occombe Farm Café, Berry Head Guardhouse Café, Maidencombe Beach Café (http://www.englishrivierajewels.co.uk/swim.htm) and the Thatched Tavern (http://thethatchedtaverndevon.co.uk/contact-us/)
*10% off all Trust events (except Occombe Beer Festival)
* Early bird booking on their highly popular events and courses
* Invitations to exclusive member events

Picture which is on the wall at Colyton Fishacre

Whilst we were there yesterday I rejoined the Torbay Coast & Countryside Trust.  Although it's nice to get the discounts - and encourages us to get out and about - it's also good to support such an important venture.